


If You Say to Me Tomorrow

by causeways



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-01
Updated: 2007-07-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 01:53:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12223347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/causeways/pseuds/causeways
Summary: Sam is sixteen when he realizes he's in love with his older brother.





	If You Say to Me Tomorrow

Sam is sixteen when he realizes he's in love with his older brother. The moment is just like any other of a million moments before it. They're trailing Dad's truck towards a hunt in Oklahoma, Sam in the passenger seat of the Impala and Dean behind the wheel. Zeppelin is on the radio, and Dean's tapping out the rhythm on the dashboard. It's early June, warm enough to have the windows down even as the sun is tilting down towards dusk, and what happens is, the road curves so that the sun's not directly in front of them anymore. Maybe Dean makes a noise, too, the barest snatch of singing along; Sam doesn't know. All he knows is that at that moment he glances over at his brother, his head back-lit in the bright orange sky, and something clicks into place in Sam's stomach, something he's maybe known all along but never put a name to: he's in love with his brother.

It's not that big of a deal, being in love with Dean. Everything's the same as it was before: they still have the same prank wars, still play rock-paper-scissors for who has to take the last shower in the hotels where the water doesn't stay hot, still bitch about each others' taste in music. Sam still fights with Dad and Dean still gives him those tight-lipped looks: _He's trying his best, Sam, can't you cut the man a break?_

Everything's the same as it was before, except that sometimes Sam wakes up in the middle of the night and thinks about how easy it would be to reach across the bed and place his hand on Dean's chest, run his fingers along the length of Dean's side. Dean's never denied him anything in his life, not once, and Sam thinks how easy it would be to slide his hand past the elastic of Dean's boxers, curl his fingers around his brother's cock--

Dean wouldn't deny him this, but Sam doesn't say anything. Instead he watches Dean, carefully, when he knows Dean isn't paying attention. He watches Dean in the throes of "Back in Black" blaring out of the Impala's speakers, Dean inhaling Frosted Flakes cereal late at night when he gets back from bars, Dean pressing anonymous girls up against the side of the hotel, mouth moving against their necks. He watches for clues; he wants to know what makes his brother tick. He learns the movements of Dean's eyes, lingering on the girls he wants to fuck, sliding past the ones he doesn't, and Sam learns patience, the infinite kind, patience that reaches the point at which it should break and goes on past it, patience without limits.

Sam has always known the shape of his brother by sight, his brother's flannel button-downs and his t-shirts and his worn-out jeans. He wants to learn the shape of his brother by touch, the hard lines of him and the muscles, the fine bones of his face. He wants to lick his brother open and learn the taste of him, tongue his way down his brother's neck, trace the freckles of his back. He wants all of this and more, but he doesn't want to be alone in the wanting. Dean would give him anything in the world, Sam knows, but Sam doesn't want to _take_ from him this time, not this. His patience twists out, a long line of steel that bends but does not break; he watches his brother and he waits.

Sam is eighteen when he realizes Dean is never going to love him back.

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes, of course, from "What Is and What Should Never Be" by Led Zeppelin.


End file.
